10 Ways to Annoy Remus Lupin
by Mcbnotredame7
Summary: Sirius is bored, which is never a good thing. So he, Tonks, Bill, Fred, and George make a list of ten ways to annoy him. Just HOW annoyed will he get?
1. Prolouge

**A/N: Sorry it's so short. It's only the prologue though! I already know what Bill is going to tell Remus so this will be updated soon, I hope!! Please R&R! Thanks and enjoy!**

"I'm bored," Sirius stated as he sat down on a musty old couch. Tonks, Fred, George, and Bill were seated in somewhat of a circle around him.

"You're not alone," said George, "mum took all of our joke shop stuff away."

"Moony's not here, it takes all the fun out of things," sighed Sirius.

"I don't have anything to do," Bill said, "so I'm bored out of my mind too."

"And I have the day off of work, and I don't have guard duty tonight, so I know how you feel," Tonks added.

"This bites," Fred concluded.

"Exactly, and since Moony's not here I think we should get back at him for not being here to save us from our boredom," Sirius stated as a Marauderish grin crossed his face.

"What?" asked Tonks.

"We'll make a list of the top ten things that would annoy him. Then obviously complete those things. Whenever we're bored we can do one of the things on the list, starting with ten and working our way up to one," Sirius explained. "So," he continued, "who's in?"

"I'm in," both twins said in unison. Next came Bill.

"I'll do it." Then finally Tonks.

"Fine, I guess I'll go along with this."

"Great," Sirius said as he got out a quill, a piece of parchment, and some ink, "lets get started. Ok, number ten?"

"What if I told him this really long joke and it just happened to have a really stupid punch line?" Bill questioned.

"That's good," said Sirius smirking because he knew Moony hated it when people did that, "how about number nine?" Both Fred and George were laughing about something.

"We could talk in Morse Code whenever we're around him?" Fred asked.

"He wouldn't understand a thing," George said in a devilish tone.

"Perfect," said Sirius, "now onto number eight."

"I could play the Weird Sisters repeatedly until he's forced to leave the room," Tonks added. Everyone in the room laughed because they new how much Remus hated the Weird Sisters.

"I knew you were related to me somehow Tonks," Sirius added as he continued to laugh. "I've got one we can all participate in. Every time you talk to him, finish your sentences 'according to the prophecy'. And for number six, repeat every thing he says to you back to him in the form of a question, like you don't believe him." Fred and George were rolling on the floor.

"What's so funny?" Bill asked.

"It's just that we do that to mum and she gets ticked!" They all laughed at the picture in their heads of Fred and George doing this to Molly.

"Next is number five, anyone have any ideas?" Sirius asked.

"Well," said Tonks, "I could tell him he couldn't sit next to me at dinner because my imaginary friend is sitting there."

"Keep it coming," said Sirius as he laughed in his head because he knew Moony liked his little cousin.

"For number four Fred and I could stand over his shoulder as he reads and whisper stuff," George said.

"Nice one George!"

"Thank you Fred."

"I've got number three," Sirius stated, "at one of our Order meetings when he proposes an idea I could say that I've got a better one and then say something really stupid."

"Nice that will really get on his nerves" exclaimed Bill.

"I've got another one," Sirius said, "whenever he's not looking I'll move his bookmark three pages of where it was before!" Tonks laughed knowing how annoyed Remus could get if Sirius did that to him. "And now for number one, what should we do to him? All of us should participate because it's number one." All of them stood in complete silence, trying to think of something that would annoy the hell out of Remus.

"What if we hide his stash of chocolate?" they all exclaimed in unison. Grins worthy of the original Marauders spread across their faces. Well one of them was an original Marauder but still.

"This will make him furious," Tonks said.

"Don't forget outraged," Bill added. They all agreed on the list. It was a master plan on how to annoy the ex-professor.

**10 Ways to Annoy Remus Lupin **

10. Tell him a really long joke that has a stupid punch line. (Bill)

9. Talk to each other in Morse Code while you're around him. (Fred and George)

8. Repeatedly play the Weird Sisters until he is forced to leave the room. (Tonks)

7. Finish all your sentences to him "according to the prophecy. (Everyone)

6. Repeat everything he tells you back to him in the form of a question. (Everyone)

5. Tell him he can't sit next to you at dinner because your imaginary friend is sitting there. (Tonks)

4. Stand over his shoulder as he reads and whisper things to each other. (Fred and George)

3. Whenever he has a plan say that you have a better one, and then say something really stupid. (Sirius)

2. Move his bookmark three pages ahead every time he's not looking. (Sirius)

1. Hide his chocolate stash. (Everyone)

"Perfect," Sirius said as he looked over the list one last time, "Bill, whenever you're bored just proceed to carry out number ten."

"Will do," said Bill. They all left the room to go down to dinner with smiles on their faces, which confused everyone.


	2. The Purple Wombat

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. (Obviously) Because if I did I would have Moony all for myself! **

**AN: I'm really sorry to you all that this took so long! This chapter is dedicated to Agent Penguin for motivating me to finish this so you all can be reading this now! Oh, and if you've heard this before you can laugh! And if you haven't, well you'll know exactly how Remus feels and probably hate me a little bit inside!**

Bill Weasley was bored. It wasn't just that"I have nothing to do," bored it was the "if I don't find something to do I'm going to die," bored. Fleur was unfortunately visiting her parents in France and he had the day off, so he had nothing to do. The only other two occupants of Grimmauld Place were a still sleeping Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin who was sitting in the library reading.

He put his hands in his pockets as he let out a sigh. "What's this?" he asked as he felt a folded piece of parchment. Bill pulled it out and read what the paper said; "10 Ways to Annoy Remus Lupin." It suddenly dawned on him what it was.

"This is that list we made last week," he said out loud. An evil smile crossed his face, "I know exactly what I'm going to do today." Bill walked up the stairs to the library where Remus was peacefully reading.

"Good morning," Bill said as he approached Remus. He figured he needed to get his full attention before he told hi "joke".

"Good morning Bill," Remus replied, "what brings you to this part of the house?"

"Nothing really, it's just that I was bored, and besides Sirius you're the only other person in the house."

"Oh."

"So," Bill asked as he looked at Remus' book, "what are you reading?"

"It's a muggle book," said Remus.

"That's interesting. Since you like muggle stories you must have read the story of the Purple Wombat."

"Uh, no I haven't read that one," Remus replied confused.

"Well let me tell you then," Bill stated. "In muggle London there was a little boy named Jimmy. Now, Jimmy was starting second grade that day and was very excited, so he arrived extra early to the bus stop that morning."

"Like any second grader would," Remus interrupted.

"Right," Bill continued, "so Jimmy's bus stop was on a really long road that he could see all the way down. After what seemed like hours he could make out a yellow dot in the distance. Jimmy got on the bus and sat in the first seat so he could be the first one off the bus."

"Again, just like any second grader would," Remus said as he remembered his first day of second grade.

"Yes," Bill said. "There was another little boy in is seat though too, and he told him 'I'm going to be in second grade today, how about you?' 'I am also,' the boy answered, 'hey since you're going into second grade you must have heard the story of the Purple Wombat?'

"'No,' Jimmy responded, 'I haven't.' The boy was astonished, 'you haven't heard the story of the Purple Wombat! Miss Bus Driver Lady –that's her name- Jimmy hasn't heard of the Purple Wombat! "Jimmy I'm ashamed of you," the bus driver yelled, 'go sit in the back of the bus!' Jimmy walked to the back of the bus and sat down while receiving evil and ashamed glares from everyone.

"Instead of being the first off the bus, he was the last. That didn't matter though when he walked into the school because it was the first day of second grade. Jimmy ran to his classroom so he could be the first one there. He was, and he realized he had the same teacher as last year, oh well, it was second grade. Jimmy was just about to ask how her summer was when the same little boy he sat with on the bus came gasping for breath, 'Miss Teacher Lady Mam-that's her name- Jimmy's never heard of the Purple Wombat!'"

"What a little brat!" Remus exclaimed.

"I know, so back to the story. 'Go to the Principal's Office now!' his teacher yelled, 'I'm ashamed to have you in my class!' Jimmy's day was about to get worse. He entered the Principal's Office with his head bowed in shame. 'What are you here for?' the Principal asked. 'I don't know who the Purple Wombat is sir.' The Principal jumped from his seat, 'I'm ashamed have you in this school. You are expelled! Your parents are being called right now to pick you up.'

"This was the worst day of Jimmy's life. He was now expelled from school; his parents wouldn't even look at him, and they locked him in his room. Jimmy was left to think about what happened and he started to cry."

"Poor kid," Remus said. "Oh and Bill, how much longer is this going to be, because e I have to finish a report for Dumbledore?"

"It's almost done; this is where it gets interesting. While Jimmy lay in his bed he heard something very faint through the open window, 'Jimmy come to me, I am the Purple Wombat!' Jimmy looked to see if there was anyone else there but he was the only occupant. Then he heard it again, 'Jimmy come to me I am the Purple Wombat!' 'But I can't come out of my room,' he answered. Then suddenly a ladder appeared…"

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ten minutes earlier…

Sirius Black had just woke up from a long night's sleep. His head hurt, "guess I had too much Firewhisky last night." He slowly made his way down stairs to the kitchen. Nobody was there. "Crap, I'm the only one here." His thoughts were fuzzy but he could remember Moony saying he was going to be there today. Immediately he took a few fast steps forward, but almost fell over ad had to hold himself up in the doorframe. "This is going to take longer than I thought."

He made his way up to the library very slowly. Just before he reached for the knob he heard a voice say, "While Jimmy lay in his bed…"

"So Bill is telling him the story of the Purple Wombat," Sirius thought. He waited about fifteen more seconds until he burst into the room…

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"…a ladder appeared."

"Did I hear someone say Purple Wombat?" Sirius said as he burst into the room.

"Uh yeah, I did," said Bill.

Sirius walked over to the armchair where Remus was sitting in and tried to sit in it with him, "I LOVE this story!"

"Padfoot," Remus exclaimed as he pushed him out of the chair, "find somewhere else to sit!" Sirius came to rest on the arm of the chair.

"So to continue," Bill said, "Jimmy waited a few moments before deciding that the ladder couldn't be to dangerous and climbed down it, after all, it was the Purple Wombat. Then Jimmy heard it again, this time a bit louder because he was outside, 'Jimmy come to me, I am the Purple Wombat!' He continued to follow the voice until he reached a large park. The gates were locked. 'I can't,' Jimmy said, 'it's locked!' Then like magic the gates unlocked and opened.

"This is getting interesting!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus just looked at his best mate like he was an idiot.

"Wait," Remus thought, "he is an idiot!"

"So Jimmy made his way through the park until he came to a large pond until he heard the voice again, 'Jimmy come to me, I am the Purple Wombat!' The voice was coming from the middle of the pond and it was really foggy out so he couldn't see anything.

"'But I can't swim," Jimmy said. He really wanted to meet the cause of all his problems. Suddenly a boast appeared on the shore of the pond and Jimmy got in. He paddled to the middle of the pond when he heard the voice right over him, 'Jimmy come to me, I am the Purple Wombat!'"

"What's going to happen to him?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Well, it was so foggy that Jimmy couldn't see above him. So, he stood up and started reaching up with all his might when he fell out and drowned," Bill concluded. "Now do you know the moral of the story?"

"Uh, don't follow strange voices you hear outside?" Remus asked.

"Nope," Bill said with a straight face, "the moral of the story is don't stand up in boats."

"HAHAHA!" Sirius burst out in laughter. "That's really funny Bill." He stood up and patted him on the shoulder, "come with me and tell me again." Both he and Bill started out the door when Sirius called over his shoulder, "oh and Moony, dinner's at five."

They left Remus there fuming. Not only had he wasted his time on a stupid story with a stupid moral, he still had to finish his report for Dumbledore and dinner was at five. Let's just hope dinner would be better…


	3. Knocks and Taps

**Disclaimer: Um last time I checked I don't own Harry Potter. ***_**Goes and checks again* **_**Nope, I still don't. **

**AN: I am SOOOOO sorry! This chapter has been delayed for much to long and I am deeply sorry. Writers block got the best of me and again I am deeply sorry! Please review! Enjoy!**

Fred and George Weasley sat on either side of Remus Lupin at the dinner table of 12 Grimmauld Place. Tonks was sitting across from Remus with Bill and Sirius on either side of her. The news hadspread about Bill's telling of the story of the Purple Wombat and by dinner the entire Order, plus all the Weasley children, had heard the story.

Remus relentlessly scowled at Bill until his attention was forcefully divereted to the twins. "We thought you were smarter than that Professor. Even we haven't fallen for one of Bill's pranks since we started Hogwarts."

"Well I will admit I had my suspicions after about five minutes. My patience got the best of me though and I continued to listen until the end of the story."

"But how did you know?" asked Fred.

"I did spend almost everyday with James and Sirius for about ten years you know."

"Did someone say my name?" asked Sirius with a mouthful of food.

"No Padfoot, go back to eating." Remus was trying to eat his dinner quickly so he could finish his report for Dumbledore. The story of the Purple Wombat had cut a large chunk of the time he had to finish it. Luckily, Dumbledore wasn't expecting it until tomorrow so if he stayed up late enough, without any distractions, he could likely get finished. That seemed very, very unlikely though.

* * *

While Remus and Sirius had their somewhat of a conversation George struck a idea. He motioned to Fred and demonstrated a knocking motion with his hand. Immediately Fred caught on to what George was trying to tell him an nodded in agreement. As soon as Remus and Sirius were done their fun would begin.

* * *

Remus returned to his meal quickly so he could get done. He then heard a knocking sound on the table but quickly ignored it because after all, this was Grimmauld Place. But then he heard it again, on his right. Then he heard it once more, only this time two quick knocks on his left.

"You can't be serious!" Fred exclaimed with a shocked expression.

"Oh but I am," George replyed.

"No you aren't," Sirius butted in once again, "I am!"

"Yes, yes Padfoot," said Remus, "we know who you are." He dismissed Sirius' usual reaction to whenever he heard his name and once again returned to his meal. _Knock, tap, knock._ What the hell, he thought. _Tap, tap, knock, knock, knock. _

"I had no idea Fred! Everyone has got to hear about that!"

"I know!" Fred replyed. "I didn't even believe it myself when I first heard it!" Remus looked at both of them suspiciously. _Tap, knock, knock, tap._ _Knock, tap, tap, knock. _"I had no idea that they were together. This completely ruins my suspicions."

"But how will she take it?" asked George. "I thought they had something going, last time I checked." Remus and Tonks looked at each other in shock but then Tonks' expression turned from shock to disgust. _Knock, knock, knock, tap., _came from Tonks.

"Nope, we're telling you the truth Tonks," said Fred. "I heard it straight from him myself!" Tonks scowled at Remus with a look of disgust.

"I can't believe he would do that," she snarled in Remus' direction. _Tap, tap, tap, knock. Knock, tap, tap. _Remus still had no idea what was going on. He didn't understand why Dora was suddenly mad at him. They had had a thing going for a couple weeks, but it was nothing serious. There was lots a late night flirting, with maybe a kiss or two, but it hadn't gone that far. Nobody knew about it though. At least nobody was supposed to know about it, he thought.

"We know," said George, "we couldn't believe he would do that either." Remus leaned over to question George while Tonks and Fred continued their conversation.

"What did I do?" Remus whispered to Fred.

"What did you do? You cheated on Tonks with the girl that works at Flourish and Blotts," he whispered back. _Tap, knock, knock, tap, tap, _came from Tonks once again. _Tap, tap. _

"Ok," said George, "I'll tell him. Remus," he whispered, "Tonks wants me to tell you that she's very upset with you and she's not speaking with you anymore."

"Bu--, wh--." He let out a sigh. "Well you can tell Nymphadora that I didn't do anything and that her actions are outlandish." _Knock, knock._

"She says that you cheated on her and she never wants to see your face again," said Fred.

"But, but, I never cheated on Dora. I haven't even been to Flourish and Blotts in almost two months!" _Tap, tap, tap, tap. _

"She says she doesn't believe you," said George.

"I'm telling you that I haven't been cheating on her! And you know, I've had about enough of this knocking and tapping!" _Knock, knock, knock, tap, tap, knock, knock,_ came once again from Tonks.

"She says she's very dissapointed in you for cheating on her and that she thought you two had something special," said Fred.

"We do have something special!" Crap, I said that out loud, he thought. "But I didn't do anything!"

"That's not what she thinks," said George. _Tap, tap, tap, knock, knock. Knock. Tap. Tap, knock, tap. Knock, knock, tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap. Knock. Knock. Tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Knock, knock, knock, knock. Tap. Knock. Tap. Knock. Tap. Tap. _

"I'd tell you what she said Professor, but my mother would be very under impressed if I did," said Fred.

Remus stood up at the table, infuriated. All the people at the table immediately turnd to see what the ruckus was about. "I have had enough with all this knocking and tapping! I didn't do anything to you Nymphadora! Don't believe everything you here!" He stormed out of the room, thoroughly annoyed. Everybody else went back to their meals and conversations, confused about Remus' sudden outburst.

"That was hilarious," laughed Tonks. "I'm pretty sure he's very, very annoyed by now. Your new and improved version of morse code was awesome."

"Well thank you Tonks," said the twins.

"I do believe our job of thoroughly annoying him is done Fred."

"Yes George, I do believe so."

**AN: I really hoped you liked it! =] Please review! I don't have any idea when I'll update again but I'm deeply sorry for taking so long!**


End file.
